


Starts With Goodbye

by QueenSigyn89



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Colette-centric, Gen, OVA based, Songfic, Sylvarant group
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 16:43:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21305276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenSigyn89/pseuds/QueenSigyn89
Summary: A look into what was going through Colette's mind while undertaking the Journey of Regeneration, using Carrie Underwood's 'Starts With Goodbye' as a backdrop.





	Starts With Goodbye

The pen slipped from her fingers, falling off the edge of the table and rolling underneath it. She didn't notice, her eyes filmed over with tears as they scanned the lines she'd written. He'd find it when he came looking for her, she knew, but she would already be long gone with her escorts. Would he hate her for lying to him? Would he simply be upset, but realize that it was for the best?

Would he chase her down?

That would be more his style, she thought, wrapping the fingers of one hand around the pendant. One teardrop fell onto the paper as a shadow loomed behind her.

"Are you finished?"

She nodded tightly and Kratos took the letter from the table and folded it up for her. She turned to look up at him, catching a brief glimpse of Professor Sage curled up under a blanket on the couch, already asleep.

"I'll put this where he'll see it. Get some rest, Chosen. We leave first thing in the morning." Colette nodded again as he turned and walked away. Slowly, she got up from the table and made her way upstairs, hearing the front door open and close as she reached the landing.

_I was sitting on my doorstep_  
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand  
But I knew I had to do it  
And he wouldn't understand 

When Kratos woke her early the next morning, it felt as if she'd hardly slept at all. Silently, with the overwhelming desire to go back to sleep following her every step, Colette dressed and went downstairs to find breakfast already on the table. Her father and grandmother spoke quietly to one another, while Kratos and Professor Sage ate in silence. Colette sat with her family and tried to put on a brave smile, though all of them knew that this would be the last time they saw each other, the last chance they had to say what needed to be said.

When it was time to go, she hugged her father tightly, holding back tears as he whispered words of comfort to her. She kissed her grandmother lightly on the cheek and told them to take care of each other, and not to cry. Everything would be okay, she promised. This was her job, and she'd been preparing nearly all her life for this. The world was in safe hands.

They waved as she turned to follow her escorts to the village gate, but she couldn't bring herself to look back at them. There was only the briefest hesitation when they reached the gate, when she finally glanced back for one last look at Iselia, the place that had been her home for sixteen years, and said goodbye to the houses and the school, the people still sleeping soundly in their beds. As she passed through the archway and out of the village, she made all of them a promise that she would succeed where the previous Chosen had failed.

She would make the world safe for them again.

She would make the world safe for Lloyd.

She had to.

_So hard to see myself without him_  
I felt a piece of my heart break  
But when you're standing at a crossroad  
There's a choice you gotta make 

When they finally stopped for lunch, she couldn't even see the village anymore. Only the edge of the forest on the horizon indicated there was anything at all back the way they had come. There was still so far to go, and her feet ached with every step, and her heart was heavy in her chest, but she never let them see it. She could tell in the way the professor looked at her that it would be perfectly okay to be scared or nervous. But she couldn't let the people of Sylvarant see her looking like that.

What would they think, if they saw the Chosen looking frightened or upset or unsure? She had to keep her spirits up somehow, and thinking of the hope she should be bringing them was all that carried her through the next several hours of walking until they reached an outpost of the church. Kratos paid for the use of a room so they could rest. Colette stayed in the prayer room while he and Raine went to sleep. She knelt in front of the alter and prayed.

Prayed for peace. Prayed for hope. Prayed that her father would be okay without her, that Sylvarant would survive. Before she got to her feet and went to bed, she prayed for her friends. Lloyd was in her dreams that night, with his stupid grin that always made her heart flutter a little, and she cried.

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt_  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry  
And let go of some things I've loved  
To get to the other side 

_I guess it's gonna break me down_  
Like fallin' when I try to fly  
It's sad but sometimes  
Moving on with the rest of your life  
Starts with goodbye 

It was two days later when they reached Triet. They'd made camp a few miles outside of the city, though she'd wanted to keep walking, thinking that it really couldn't be that much farther. Kratos had insisted it wouldn't be safe to continue through the desert after nightfall, and when he'd refused to listen to her argument that it would be safer in the city than stranded out here surrounded by who-knew-what creepy creatures, she'd finally relented and rolled out her sleeping bag.

She'd dreamed she'd heard Lloyd's voice, but when she woke and still heard him calling, her heart leapt and she jumped up and ran towards the sound of it, shouting his name. She stumbled to a stop a foot away from him and her eyes traced every inch of his travel-worn figure, from the sand in his hair to the dirt on the knees of his pants to the scuffed and mud-caked boots, hardly daring to believe he was really standing there. Genis cleared his throat impatiently, but Colette ignored him, launching herself into Lloyd's arms and burying her face in his shoulder, hugging him tightly and apologizing over and over again.

With him at her side, she was much happier when they came to the ancient pile of rocks that had once been the upper chambers of the Temple of Fire. The staircase descending into the lower levels still existed, and the hallways leading to the altar were untouched by time and looked exactly the way Colette imagined that they had back when the aboveground temple still stood. They drew nearer to the seal room and, despite the comforting presence of her friends, she felt a growing sense of dread. Though this was only the first seal that she had to break to open the gates to the sacred Tower, she didn't know exactly what would happen when she got to the altar.

She said her prayers at the altar and Remial appeared before her. When he granted her the proof of her position as Chosen, she felt the shift in her body, felt the burning pain in her shoulder blades as her new wings unfurled. She felt something else, though she couldn't quite identify it until just before she fainted.

She woke up in a hotel room, Professor Sage nodding off in a chair next to the bed. Careful not to wake her, she got out of bed and had made it halfway to the door when it opened and Lloyd walked in. His eyes brightened when he saw her. Raine jolted awake in her chair and turned to look at them.

"You're feeling better, it seems," she yawned. Colette nodded and smiled.

"Yes, I am." It wasn't entirely true, but she knew she'd worried them, and she didn't want to cause them any further trouble.

"What happened back there?" Lloyd asked and Colette bit her lip.

"I don't really know. Maybe getting my wings was just too much of a shock to my body and it just... shut down..."

"That makes sense," Raine mused. "It was such a sudden change, it's possible your system wasn't sure how to handle it."

"Yeah," Colette agreed softly. "But things will be easier now, I think, now that the first seal is broken."

"Right!" Lloyd nodded in agreement. "Let's have breakfast and get moving. I think Kratos is getting impatient." He frowned at that and Colette couldn't help but giggle a little.

"He does that."

_I know there's a blue horizon_  
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me  
Getting there means leaving things behind  
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet 

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt_  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry  
And let go of some things I've loved  
To get to the other side 

Nothing was as easy as she led her friends to believe.

She'd noticed that they had noticed when she stopped eating and made attempts to eat just enough to keep them from getting too suspicious. It was all bland and flavorless and half the time, she couldn't keep it down. When the second seal was broken, it was easier to hide the effects of her transformation. She would either stay up later and talk to Kratos while he took first watch, or she would curl up in her sleeping bag with her eyes closed and simply pretend to sleep.

After the third seal, she had to start taking cues from the others, and their surroundings, to react appropriately to keep her secret pain from spreading to them. If the trees suddenly swayed in the wind, she'd wrap her arms around herself, though it didn't cut her as much as it would have. If Lloyd complained of the heat, she'd sigh tiredly and agree with him. As long as she kept it up until they reached the tower, everything would be fine.

Though, of course, Lloyd couldn't leave well enough alone. He caught her in a lie, and it broke her heart to see the anger, the pain, the worry, on his face. If she had tears to cry, she would have shed them as she begged him to keep her secret, begged him not to worry the others needlessly. Sylvarant was suffering far worse than she was, and so her pain was nothing in comparison. When he finally agreed, she could tell it hurt him to do it.

_I guess it's gonna break me down_  
Like fallin' when I try to fly  
It's sad but sometimes  
Moving on with the rest of your life  
Starts with goodbye 

The final seal took her voice and the pain that caused her closest friend was more than she could bear. She would have cried with him if she could, but all the comfort she could give was just to hold him.

He was doubting, she knew. He didn't want her to continue. But it was too late. The Tower had been opened, and she had to go. She had to fulfill her sacred duty, and nothing he could say would stop her.

Somehow, she wasn't surprised when dawn came and Kratos came to get her without any of the others. They wouldn't understand what was going to happen to her. It would be better if they didn't see it. She didn't want the last thing she saw to be their grief. It was hard enough climbing onto the dragon, knowing how badly Lloyd was hurting.

This would fix it. He wouldn't feel that way if he knew, but someday, he'd understand this was the way it always had to be. She'd been a fool to let herself get so close to him. To come as close as she could to knowing what love might feel like had been a mistake. It made it harder to fly away from Hima, off into the clouds, coming closer to her death with every beat of leathery wings.

_Time heals the wounds that you feel  
Somehow, right now_

The final word of her prayer had left her lips when she heard his voice behind her in the seal room of the Tower. She turned and saw him standing there with Raine and Genis.

"Colette! You can't do this!" Lloyd called up to her as he ran forward.

"I have to," she whispered, and it shocked her to hear her own voice. "A final gift from Cruxis, I imagine, being able to say goodbye after all..."

"No!" Lloyd shook his head, clenching his fists. "Cruxis wants you to die, and I can't allow that!"

"Lloyd..." Colette frowned. She'd known he would say that. "You shouldn't have come here. It's too late..."

"It can't be..." Genis moaned. "We can't be too late. We came to save you.."

"Saving me means letting everyone else suffer," Colette pleaded, tears building in her eyes. "This is what I was always meant to do, and I know it hurts, but please, you have to let me do this..."

"No, we can't do that," Lloyd insisted.

"It's too late.." Colette repeated, her voice breaking. It was time, she knew.

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt_  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry  
And let go of some things I've loved  
To get to the other side 

_I guess it's gonna break me down_  
Like fallin' when I'm trying to fly  
It's sad but sometimes  
Moving on with the rest of your life  
Starts with goodbye 

"Colette," he pleaded, and her heart broke. He reached for her, and she felt Remiel standing protectively behind her and knew he'd strike if anyone so much as touched her.

She'd broken the seals, said the prayers. She'd given the final consent, made the ultimate sacrifice of her heart and her memories, and it was a matter of seconds now before Cruxis took what they were promised. She smiled sadly and Lloyd's face fell, his hand faltered in midair.

"Colette, no..."

"I'm so sorry, Lloyd," she whispered through her tears. "Thank you, for everything. Please, find peace in the new world. Goodbye..."

"Colette, no!" he screamed, but she heard it as if the wind was blowing his voice away. His eyes filled with tears born of anger and grief, but she didn't see them.

The darkness had claimed her.

_I guess I'm gonna have to cry_  
And let go of some things I've loved  
To get to the other side 

_Start with goodbye_  
Like fallin' when you try to fly  
It's sad but sometimes  
Moving on with the rest of your life  
Starts with goodbye 


End file.
